We have the full text of Steve Ballmer’s speech to USC students now, and oh boy. Ballmer:

I also have to tell you, a guy I know in Seattle has a son who goes to the school down the street here, UCLA. And I saw him the other day, yes, that’s right. I saw him the other day, and he starts chirping at me, chirp, chirp, chirp. I said, “I’m going down to USC to speak.” Chirp, chirp, chirp, UCLA better, chirp, chirp, chirp. I had it. I whip out my Windows Phone, I Bing the university rankings, and I just show it to him right there in black and white, USC 23 – UCLA 25.

What does “chirp, chirp, chirp” mean? And really, product placement in a commencement speech? Ugh, and later:

Number one, great ideas matter. Number two, find passion. And, number three, be tenacious, be irrepressible.

He seems really good at the last word from what I see on the outside looking in. Where is number one and two in Microsoft? That’s what Microsoft needs right now.

Ugh…