Over the weekend Yahoo! acquired Tumblr. (What the fuck do I do here, place a double period? Jesus, these names.). I didn’t think I had much to say on it, then Yahoo! went and Yahooed ((Should “yahooed” have an exclamation point? This shit is so confusing.)) it up.
In the announcement, CEO of Yahoo! Marissa Mayer (whom I like) says:
We promise not to screw it up.
That’s the second fucking sentence and it’s a catastrophe. At no point should you state such a weak saying at the top of your press release. You are the new CEO of Yahoo, perhaps if you had previously screwed up other web companies you bought this might be warranted, but in this case it just looks pathetic.
I didn’t read past that line, because who cares.
Instead let’s look to the reaction of others:
Marissa Mayer uses two spaces between sentences.
(whispers) i like this yahoo tumblr thing
That’s about the reaction I had when news started coming out Saturday/Friday. I thought it was smart on Mayer’s part and smart on Tumblr.’s part.
The problem here is not that Yahoo ((I’m done with the stupid punctuation.)) bought Tumblr, the problem isn’t that Yahoo promised not to screw it up, or that two spaces were used. No the problem is that Yahoo already screwed it up. How?
SnarkAttack! The fact that Yahoo announced their acquisition of Tumblr using that tired “keep calm and carry on” image reflects well their strategy of buying the cool kids of three years ago.
Not to mention that the image they used is an animated gif and should carry an epileptic seizure warning on it — the entire gif is reminiscent of Geocities. And while I wouldn’t read too much into the WordPress import numbers, it is still telling that people are leery of Tumblr’s future.
But most importantly, what the hell does Yahoo do with all the porn?
Because it’s a catch 22 for Yahoo. They just promised not to screw Tumblr up, so does that mean porn stays? If it doesn’t stay, isn’t that “screwing it up”?