Those Motherfucking Printers

Since the first time I had to install and setup a printer on my own, I’ve hated the little bastards. A couple of nights ago started me on quite a journey of frustration.

My wife, she reminds me that she has to take the ferry the next morning to go visit her grandmother. After picking up essentials at the store (milk and toilet paper), I buzz over to the ferry dock to scope out how the line there works. I knew you had to get out of the car to get a ticket, but I want to see how far from the car that would be — my wife needed to know if she would be able to leave the kids in the car while still keeping on eye on them.

It’s too far. It’s about 60 yards from the car and not within sight. When I let her know this she calls her grandmother and finds out we could buy tickets online.

Sweet.

Later that night, when we get ready for bed, my wife logs on to the site on her phone and goes to buy a ticket. She then reads: “Be sure your computer is connected to a printer before you buy this…”

Shit.

“Ok, send me the info and I’ll take care of it”, I tell my wife.

The next morning I pull my huge photo printer out, plug it in and connect it to my MacBook. Shit, need to download the drivers.

Ok, those are installed, tickets purchased, and… PRINT.

“Replace Red ink cartridge”.

Fuck, ok. Nothing new, this is a photo printer with 9,000 ink cartridges and I usually replace one or two each time I use it. I’m not surprised and I grab my stash of cartridges.

Installed, now print.

“Replace Gray ink…”

Ok, SHIT, no spare gray ink cartridge. I try printing in full black and white, no go.

What to do? Oh yes, there’s a laser printer in the garage that used to work. It was low on toner, but maybe I can squeeze out this print.

Ok that is setup, drivers installed…

WHAT IS THIS BLINKING RED LIGHT AND VAGUE ERROR MESSAGE. It looks like this error message is written for Windows.

Paper isn’t feeding.

15 minutes later…

Ok, manual feed is working…

…And it printed the sample page… Fuck.

SUCCESS! I have the ticket printed.

Total elapsed time: 47 minutes.

Forty. Seven. Minutes.

Holy shit.

We don’t often need, or use, printers, but when we do we need a printer it is because we need something printed right then. I never have time to hassle, and it is always a hassle when it comes to printers.

So I need to fix this, because I am tied of fucking around with printers.

My new plan: setup that laser printer on the network and automate a daily print job to it. If it prints, great, if not fix it right then. I may not need that printer again for a month, but when I do need it again I will really need it. No sense waiting until then to try and figure it all out.

Excuse me while I order some fresh toner, actually, maybe just a new printer to start with.

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Article Details

Published
3 minutes to read.


tl;dr

I hate the little bastards, maybe because I hate the fact I still need one.