Jason Karaian:
At current prices, Apple’s forthcoming annual dividend alone is worth as much as a third of the companies in the S&P 500. With the money it will pay in dividends this year, Apple could buy up all the shares in companies like Tiffany (free diamond bracelet with every smartwatch purchase), Foot Locker (free VaporMax shoes with every MacBook), or Chipotle (free burrito with every iPad).
Stupid giveaway ideas notwithstanding, holy shit.