This week brings us a new year and there’s only one way you should be ushering in a new year with your snacks. That’s by eating Entenmann’s Softees donuts, the variety pack which you buy for the cinnamon sugar donuts, but suffer through eating the others.

My advice is to always eat two donuts at a time until those plain bastards are all gone. And eat them on a plate. The reason being, is that you can use that plain fucker to mop up all the spilled sugar from the good donut.

You’re welcome.

Also, why can’t we buy the one flavor everyone likes? What evil person decided these only are to come in a variety pack. That’s like if you could only buy chocolate ice cream as part of the Neapolitan mix, pure evil.

Enjoy the new year, and your donuts. Yum.